Call it misguided scientific wizardry. Skill over practicality. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.
Just ask Dr. F., who claimed to have successfully spliced an assorted collection of DNA to create a truly unique creature. The DNA in question was taken from a common, everyday domestic goat– not the majestic mountain variety but the stay-in-my-pen and climb on stuff variety. It was then combined with a wild salmon to produce a creature so unique, Dr. F. was unable to come up with a suitable name. He settled upon the horrendously unimaginative name of the Salmon-Goat.
The most pressing question one might ask about Dr. F.’s successful bit of genetic engineering was, “Why bother?”
If the truth be known, it was really the milk he was after. A milkable salmon, producing salmony goat’s milk, would create a whole new culinary craze for the lactose intolerant. No more soya milk would have to be endured. Or almond milk, for that matter. The possibilities were catastrophically outstanding.
Unfortunately, one major oversight encountered was the horrendous impracticality of milking a salmon twice a day. It was just a downright difficult thing to do– first corralling the fish, wrestling it into submission for milking, only to produce a few ounces of milk before returning the salmon to it’s habitat. Eight hours of milking produced one bottle of milk. To make the operation economically viable, he calculated he would have to charge $8,743 per bottle of Salmon Milk just to break even.
Instead of trying to find a buyer for the most expensive bottle of milk known to humanity, Dr. F. pursued another one of his dreams, channelled his energies into developing a signature recipe which he would serve out of a food truck parked by the cemetery in Wells, British Columbia.
Dr. F.’s recipe certainly can be made with pale substitutes for the real thing. But if you can get your hands on a few ounces of Dr. F.’s Salmon-Goat Milk, your tastebuds will thank you for the rest of your life.
Salmon Goat Cheese Polenta
(Adapted from a recipe by the Cookie Rookie with some changes incorporated from a Michael Smith recipe.)
• 4 salmon fillets totalling 12 ounces or so.
• 2 tablespoons dijon mustard
• 2 cups cherry tomatoes
• 1 cup fresh parsley, hacked and chopped to tiny bits
• 1/2 cup fresh basil, treated just as harshly
• 1 clove garlic, sliced and diced
• 1.5 cup bread crumbs
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1.5 cups corn grits for the polenta
• 1/2 cup of frozen corn
• 4 cups of fresh water
• 5 ounces of cheese made from Salmon-Goat milk (You may substitute goat cheese if you have to.)
• salt and pepper to the amount that seems right to you
What to Do
1. Lay parchment paper over a baking sheet.
2. Combine the parsley, basil, garlic, bread crumbs , olive oil, and salt in a food processor.
3. Lay the salmon fillets on the parchment paper and scatter the tomatoes around the empty spaces between the salmon.
5. Spread 1/2 tablespoon of dijon mustard onto each piece of salmon.
6. Spread the herb mixture over the top of each piece of salmon and press it down to make sure it sticks to the salmon. (Good luck with this one!)
7. Bake for 15-20 minutes at 450 degrees F. or until the salmon is cooked and flaky throughout.
8. While the salmon is cooking, get your polenta going. This is ridiculous easy, so if you’ve never made it before or even heard of polenta (like me), don’t sweat it. In a large heavy pan, bring the water and salt and pepper to a boil.
9. Stir in the polenta and frozen corn to the water, then turn your element down to a simmer. Stir pretty frequently as this thickens up quite quickly from my experience. When it’s as thick as you want it, turn off the heat and stir in your Salmon-goat cheese.
10. To serve this, blob some polenta into the serving bowls and top with a chunk of salmon and a few tomatoes. This strange combination turns out to taste pretty good . . . actually, it’s quite great, so I think you’ll enjoy it. Don’t be fooled by the apparent lack of food volume, making you think there won’t be enough to fill you up. Not a chance. This dish is incredibly filling, particularly if you’ve eaten a bag of chips while you cook.