“The Secret Life and Loves of Sourdough.” Never has a documentary film had such an impact upon the life of an individual– nothing short of a religious conversion, an epiphany, and the attainment of enlightenment all rolled into one. Fifty-three minutes that radically altered the course of a life.
Sourdough. He would be transformed by the infusion of sourdough into every conceivable aspect of his life. Sourdough was the elixir to elevate his mundane existence into one that could only be described as nothing short of extraordinary.
Sourdough would whiten his teeth, thicken his hair plus give it that spunky wave across his forehead he always dreamed of. It would grant him the explosive physicality of a wrestler doing a back flip off the top rope and executing the perfect take-down, not to mention the endurance of someone who would do two Barclay Marathons before breakfast– a breakfast of sourdough croissants.
Sourdough would permeate every cell of his body, altering his DNA to be shockingly similar to George Clooney’s, only with a better sense of style. His mind would be altered, giving him a sense of robust confidence to speak with an articulate authority not witnessed since the illustrious political career of John George Diefenbaker.
He wasn’t exactly sure of the science behind it all, but that wasn’t the point. What mattered was belief. Oh, sure, he had his theories about internal bodily fermentation which just made so much sense. It was all about belief.
His fanaticism was inflicted upon members of his immediate family who endured sourdough pancakes the consistency of semi-gelatinous kevlar, sourdough muffins with a texture reminiscent of a camping sleeping foam, and sourdough brownies that, in spite of the butter, melted chocolate, and excessive amounts of sugar, were deemed inedible even by the family’s pet goat.
The only success, and it was a minor victory, was with his sourdough bread. Why only a minor victory? The crust was only able to be sliced with the assistance of a circular saw. But once sliced, the taste was something else. And although the promise of personal transformation through consuming sourdough was never fully realized, he persisted with sourdough Christmas cake, sourdough angel food, and sourdough fritters. And never once before his life was cut short by a fatal slippage of the circular saw while preparing a sourdough tomato sandwich, did he come to the realization and ultimate truth about sourdough:
You can pretty much make anything with sourdough, but this does not mean you should.